Monday, February 28, 2011

Blogging in Style... Close Encounters of the Worst Kind

Enter the Insomniac

Nights and days blend together in one sleepless homogeneity.

I can't tell the border between sleep and waking anymore.

This is what it wants.

It wants me to dream.

In my dreams in the little hours of sleep I get, I hear one word whispered over and over again. And yet I can't ever remember it when I wake.

A word that, to me, sounds like fear.

Friday, February 25, 2011

No Leads

I'm thinking of asking my parents about this birthday party thing. Stuff is really getting out of hand. But I don't want to stir up anything, I'm going to try digging a bit deeper.

I've been on my guard more lately. Adele is back with my aunt and uncle - I can't have her around with all this insanity going on. I have a strong feeling that this is about me, and about David, and maybe about Simon, but either way it's not a good idea to get a little kid involved.

The insomnia has been worse too. Now, I know my screen name is "InsomniacPrince" and all, but I've never taken the title serious. I've never missed more than a whole night of sleep more than once in a week. Now there's full-fledged paranoia creeping up. And it causes the burning-eyed, dry-mouthed tiredness that all the coffee and pills in the world only makes worse. I ward off the shadows by reading and playing video games way more often than usual, but there's never any focus.

I don't know what I'm dealing with, but I also know I was foolish to think it was gone.

Another thing - I was reformatting my blog out of boredom and where the hell did this "source" tag come from? Last time I checked, it was called "madness." This means one of a few things.

-Forgetfulness or amnesia-like symptoms? Maybe I just forgot...? Insomnia might be the cause of that.
-Server error? What would give your entries a new tag?
-Hacker? Why would they just change an entry tag though? Wouldn't I get either spammed or, uh, riddled with operator symbols and AltERnATing CaPS NoNSEnsE EntrIES? Ahaha. /nervouslaugh
-Something else totally off the wall?

I don't know. Maybe if somebody out there could help me, one of my watchers? It'd be appreciated.

I'll be on my guard. Until next time, don't sleep without me.

That sounded weird.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

the birthday party

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.


I think things are starting to make sense now. No more of the running around nonsense. I'm remembering things.

Simon? David? Are you reading this? Do you remember my fifth birthday party?

Please respond.

Shiloh? Are you reading this? Who are you?

David, Evelyn, be careful please.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

In Which I Examine the Fear Incarnate

So here I sit in my advanced trigonometry class, my deep-voiced professor rambling about mapping trigonometric values or some such nonsense, half the class speaking loudly and unabashedly, the rest playing tetris on their laptop computers, a few actually note-taking. And here I sit, writing a blog that nobody reads.

I am here today, blogging instead of drawing graphs, because I want to discuss something without video logging it (since it turns out formatting and uploading is kind of a bitch to do).

Credit Joshua Hoffine
What is fear?

It's been described as one of humanity's most natural emotions. It is divided into different types - personal fears like dying alone, primal fears like heights and water, fears from experience, et cetera. I'm sure there are official names, but I will refer to them in my own way. In addition to this, there are different stages of fear. There's terror, a kind of paranoia or suspense, knowing that there's a monster under your bed. There's horror, seeing the monster with its fangs dripping flesh and blood and being too paralyzed with fear to scream. There's a sort of fight-or-flight fear, the adrenaline-kicking sort of rush.

Fear is there to protect you, basically. When you see something harmful or something that psychologically reminds you of something harmful, you fear it. When you expect something you fear, you become terrified.

What greater power would there be than to become fear, to paralyze anybody you looked upon?

This is possible.

I do not know how.

All I know is that I've looked fear in the eye, and I survived. Am I insane? I don't think so. But they do say the truly insane believe themselves normal. I don't really know what should believed anymore. I'll make more observations later. The bell is going to ring.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

oH GOD thE PaIN (psyche!)


So it's been a while since I last blogged. I don't know, maybe. I'm too lazy to open a new tab and check when that last update was (please slap me for typing that). But I was just surprised to discover that Blogspot is no longer blocked at my school. I'd like to take this study hall procrastination session to tell you everything is going smoothly. The spring has begun, and I've had no problems with my personal bogeymen.

I also figure it's about time to explain what all of this paranoid (?) blogging means.

December. I was going through a bit of a tough phase. Bogged down with work and school and all, and to top it off I've got my paranoid niece to worry about. I lost contact with David, and took refuge in horror movies and the internet. I lived on Mountain Dew and black coffee. And that's when he appeared.

He being... well, I don't think it's necessary to say, knowing what my obsession was in October and November. I'm talking about the Slender Man, dummy.

But let's just say I was wrong. Too much creepypasta-writing and too little common sense led me to this delusion, the delusion that I was being followed by some faceless Eldrich horror. The paranoia didn't last long. Eventually, I dismissed it all as the stories getting to me. So naturally I stopped believing.

And what do you know. Slendy disappeared faster than I could whip out a twenty dollar bill.

And in his place came the terrible nightmares. I might post some of my dream logs later, for those with an inclination to psychoanalysis. But in short, let me just describe them as surreal and terrifying. I started jumping at shadows. Everything that scared me at night scared me in the day. My worst nightmares were real. At first they were Slender Man, then they became, I dunno. Ghosts. Voices from Hell. Candle Cove and Pokemon Black for a while. And I knew this was all mocking me.

So I decided to play mind games with whoever was watching me. My parents, being the awesome people they are, actually allowed me to go on a several week-long trip, taking a bit of school off to gather my thoughts and see the world. And in the process, I aimed my thoughts at turning my worst fears into real things. Tangible things. I read books on serial killers. I watched some gory, squick-filled movies. None of the abominations you can't touch. Only real things. If something can kill you, you can kill it. If it's human, it has the capability to die too.

I'd like to skip the next part for now, if you don't mind. Too much work to make up. But let me tell you - my demons can now fully be considered thwarted (for now?) and the triumphant victory goes to Jacob Owen, nothing else.

Once I manage to wade my way out of the mess I made by leaving school and work, I'm starting my online video series. "The Project." I hope to put my experiences to scientific work.

Until next time, goodbye.